But we’re not assessing them. Read, ‘you’.
Ah, parenthood. That never ending rondeau of judgement. Was it like this back in the 50s? Is that why Mommy’s Little Helper was so damn popular? Or is the whole hosebeast judgemental tear each other down mentality a festive innovation for the new millennium? When did parenting become a competitive, blood sport?
For that matter, when did every goddamn holiday become a giant suck of cheap plastic tschokes and candy? Am I the only loser parent who took the ‘please send your child to school with 22 valentines, signed but no names on the envelopes’ at face value, and did not in fact send their kid with 22 precious twee personalized bags filled with candy and trinkets which will invariably become Most Important And Yet Most Easily Broken Or Lost Toy immediately and which cannot for love or money be summarily thrown out as ‘junk’ without a 4 year old breaking into a round of uulating Peshtu lamentations? If my worth as a mother is measured by my willingness to fork over $40 to Party City and give an hour of my night to assembling treat bags for a Hallmark Holiday, I fail fail fail fail and for once in my overachieving life I am delighted not to have an A. I have better things to do with my time and money, like play ridiculous games with my kid and fill out endless paperwork for school enrollment.
Oh yes, that. Our enrollment paperwork is due March 3, so I must hunker down and fill out the 18 bajillion pages for the local school which I am at best lukewarm about and at worst filled with oppositional teeth-bearing growling simmering rage at. We at least have options: potentially, his private pre-school will have a full day option, which means we could (at jawdropping cost) keep him there full time next year. They at the very least WILL have a half day kindergarten enrichment program and afterschool care, which we would have him in should we opt to go local school for half day morning kindergarten. It’s been made quite clear to us via the attitude of the administration (after being taken aside and told all of Sean’s issues, including mention of his IEP, the principal said dismissively and patronizingly, “Well all parents think their child is special.” No Lady, I’ve just finished telling you that professionals both within and outside of your organization have formally assessed him to be a speshul snowflake) that we will have to go in Armed To The Teeth. So at the same time I’m filling out the local district paperwork, I am also filling out the ANSER book in prep for his full on re-evaluation at Hearing and Speech to better provide me with a comprehensive report on the kid which I may then roll up and shove sideways up the metaphorical sphincter of the school.
All of this, of course, comes as a not indirect result of the Kindergarten Roundup, wherein the principal told us all, without a hint of irony in her voice, that while our children were all back in the kindergarten rooms, they were not being assessed. Oh no, she assured us, they would not be released to us with scores, they weren’t assessing them. They were merely observing the dear children, the 3 kindergarten teachers the art teacher music teacher speech pathologist special ed teacher, and she and that passel of educators would be meeting to discuss what they observed and use that to help group the children and if they noticed anything odd they might contact us but heavens they’re not assessing the children!.
If you’ve heard a rattling sound, it’s my eyes rolling. Or maybe it’s my nerves jangling.